Disclaimer: This Blog is not meant to be a moral debate of any kind. Though I do believe many of the statements I share about us as women and men, these statements are merely for exploratory and entertainment purposes only.
So it occurred to me that evidence in ancient historical recordings and present day goings-on of polygamy practice in the world may just be unnatural. Now wait. Before you say, "Well of course." I want to be clear to you about what I am feeling. A man with more than one wife (in some places in the triple digits) does not make as much natural sense as if we were to compare it to, uh, let's see, me a woman, with say 3-5 husbands.
When I was 5 years old, I went on a family visit to San Francisco. I saw two-story cottage-like houses lined tightly together on mountainous paved roads. It appeared to the pink lover in me that every other house had been soaked in milky pink Sherwin Williams. Maybe it was the era, but I loved me some pink houses. This made me choose the very premature statement that I would get married at age 6 and live in a pink house. I am happy to report that neither of these descriptions turned out to be true :).
As I grew to be an adult, I experienced what seemed like back-to-back intense relationships that resulted in marriage proposals from each of them. Soon after these proposals also came the demise of the relationships. Hmm, I see a pattern here.
Presently, I am raising a 13-year-old daughter that I have also raised alone for 13 years. I made & accepted the beautiful choice. I am having the time of my life. I do wonder however, how in the world one man could possibly fit into this world I live oh so intensely & passionately.
This got me to thinking how I have joked around a bunch of women that I need several husbands to even out all the parts to me. After all, as women we possess many facets. If you don't know them by name, I will break down the shiniest ones for you in a moment. But since we are here, I want you to think as a man or remember as a woman, how many times statements like, "You're crazy", or "You're a crazy bitch" or "Who are you?" or "Why do you get so upset" or "I don't know who you are", "Were you just pretending when we met?" and so on have been uttered out of individuals' mouths directed toward their intimate partners in times of frustration and/or abuse.
Maybe one of the answers lie in the fact that we as women are not simple creatures upon this earth but conversely, we possess many distinct facets and you have most likely met at least most of them but maybe not all in equal fashion. So Boys, let me introduce myself:
Call me Mother (the nurturer who thrives on attachment with others)
Madonna (inspiring, reflective & supportive of a man's feelings over her own, patient and faithful)
Amazon Woman (ever strong, self-sufficient, opinionated, and can forget to need you as a man at all, ready for battle as a survival instinct).
Courtesan (serving by never subservient, adventurous in bed, a playmate, yet also held up in high places in society, (look at our media).
I love each jewel I possess and share them freely with you (okay not always so freely).
(A fictional but absolutely common scenario) (Before reading, I also realize the opposite roles can and do take place and cause the same problems) Please read on:
Let's be honest, that when we first met I was showing one of these 4 facets (or two tops) and you decided that you wanted that exact facet in your life (much like the shiny sports car you've always dreamed or wet dreamed of). As we grew more comfortable, I felt that I could reveal someone else that lived inside me. You liked her ;). We then began to have some tense moments where you lost your job or your apartment or car and I had to introduce you to another facet. You were uneasy with her but then began to depend on her due to all the things she could do for you. Down the line, this part of her began to become stressed as your conditions worsened and she was paying all the bills though you creatively found money to buy your own Buddha or a new tattoo or was it an iphone (and just to stick it to someone who will never read this: a $3000 keyboard)? With all the stress, she began to come up short for you (because her own life was no longer being attended to) and soon your favorite naughty playmate also became weary. Maybe at this time, you began to feel like your role as a man had diminished and you began to seek the attention from another female or females who could make you feel like the man you were not exercising in the above relationship. This leads to an emotional and/or physical affair with a woman you are not in a relationship with. Enter the last facet of the woman in your relationship. She becomes like a Tsunami over the relationship washing everything away, tearing down everything that was ever built, and limiting your movement where you are at the point of ending it all (at least relationship wise).
It becomes increasingly more difficult for one woman and one man to reach a balanced exclusive relationship as the masculine nature (The Amazon) of a woman takes over the whole woman and the man begins to feel and act emasculated. A heterosexual man is not looking for another "man". Even in homosexual (male or female) relationships, there is a pattern of one partner acting more "masculine" and one to at least display more feminine traits than one's partner for the balance of the relationship. It is the balance of Ying and Yang if you will, no matter the body parts involved. With these natural essences out of balance it would seem more obvious that women in this state more naturally begin to need to have a separate male to partner to attend to each individual facet of a woman. This does not mean however, that she has the need to sleep with several men at one time. Rather each male would satisfy each facet of a woman at different points of life or different occasions. One man may be her ultimate lover while another is there to fix her car engine or build her some bookshelves in her cluttered apartment. Another man may allow her to heal his injured child spirit that struggles to live freely. Making the point that this is not a sexual reason, a gay male friend will serve her in one or several ways to her facets. No matter if we are male or female and experienced several relationships, we have all thought about how perfect it would be to have several of our past loves to be combined into one person. How likely is this? I suspect very slim but I am an optimist when it comes to my own desires so I think it is possible with balance within one's self.
It's really not about finding "the one" but discovering all that lives inside of us (women). We must create a natural balance of our own facets in order to bond with one man. Though I think in today's society this will be the greatest magic trick ever accomplished. If we cannot integrate these facets and be aware that when one facet leads the rest, we cannot allow the man in our life to be balanced as a man. Therefore, it would seem we would be more suited to live a polyandrist life in order to live out our facets separately or paired two by two. The Amazon/Mother, Amazon/Courtesan and so forth.
I admit the fantasy prospect is a wonderful one. I also admit to mentally entertaining this fantasy on several occasions. I will tell you that in times where I must be more Amazon/Mother or Amazon/Madonna or Amazon/Courtesan, I am more likely to have this fantasy. Today is a difficult time for men and women. Women are becoming more masculine and men more feminine. The men resisting become emasculated are becoming hard as platinum and we have lost the human vulnerability of a man and now they have even more of a lack of ability to bond with us a women. Of course I will not blame all the men for this. If we as women continue to ignore the fact that we have become AMAZON WOMEN then we can say nothing that would lay the complete blame on to men. After all, we as women have birthed these men. More and more of us are single mothers with careers or working 4 jobs to support our fatherless children. We may have been abandoned but now our acceptance of this abandonment has created very strong, creative, lonely Amazons with spite. Now what is the response of males to this new age? Some men are in constant struggle to be the man they were taught to be or thought they should be when engaging with women. They want to be a gentleman, the hunter-gatherer, the protector, and the builder. How many of us women are dismissing this? How many of us women are looking at these same men we used to dream about marrying when we were young girls and finding them boring? How many of us Amazon Woman (the male side of us remember) are looking for a "challenge" a "rival", someone to tame? These may of course be completely unconscious acts but we have to consider some of this as truth.
I am not here to debate which came first, the chicken or the egg. We could research history and find countless imbalances. I don't believe if we knew the ultimate costs to our female spirit would be want to reverse our society into a fully-operating matriarchal society. I also will look to men as well as women to change our downward spiral of the lack of male and female recognition.
In conclusion, as I could further this idea easily into several pages, I want to leave you with. We must decide as men and women who we want to be in our totality and not blame the partner for not being more than they are. If we cannot operate in balance or strive with all our might for that harmony, then we must be satisfied with being fragmented and live in modern day polygamy by intimately involve ourselves with only a fraction of a human being and seeking the attention from other fragmented individuals hoping this will satisfy each facet independently.
My prayer more myself and for you is pure balance and organic relationships that flourish in undying beauty and understanding.